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People share what it’s really like to be married in these amusing tweets


People share what it’s really like to be married in these amusing tweets

Before you’re married, it seems as if the honeymoon period and lovey-dovey feelings could never end. Anyone who’s been married knows it’s a whole different ball game, but comes with its own hilarious situations.

Such a sweet sound

There may be many things you imagine doing once you’re married, but listening to your spouse coughing is definitely not one of them. While it’s onei of those things that inevitably happen at some point or another, because everyone gets a cough sometimes, there’s nothing in the world that can prepare you for it.

Such a sweet sound

You have to decide whether the love and romance are worth it, whether you love them enough that you can endure the seasonal coughing. Thankfully, most people get through it, even if it is rather frustrating.

Who’s mad?

Sometimes you can’t decide whether it’s worth getting mad about. You can’t figure out whether or not it’s worth an entire conversation to explain, or if it would be better if it were just left alone. One woman was upset with her husband because he didn’t realize she was mad about something.

Who’s mad?

It just so happens that she had been convincing him that she wasn’t mad at him for the last twenty minutes. Unfortunately, the inner demon says he should know she’s mad even though she’s convinced him she’s not.

A dramatic reaction

Sometimes being married can put things out of perspective or into perspective, depending on how you feel about something. This guy creates a hilarious scenario where his house is burning down, and he has the choice of telling the firemen that his wife is still inside – or not.

A dramatic reaction

In this fake moment, he reminds himself about how his wife made him watch the ‘Big Bang Theory’ which is clearly something he resents. What we do for love, eh? Sometimes we can feel extreme about something as silly as a TV show.

I gotta take this call

Being married often means you have to see and live with someone every single day. While this is generally most people’s preference, it can also mean having to listen to the same thing over and over again.

I gotta take this call

It’s good to offer an open ear to your spouse, but sometimes you might want some peace and quiet. This guy decided the remote was passable to pretend that he was on the phone to Bob. While we’re sure his wife wasn’t fooled, the message was loud and clear.

Get those spiders

Not everyone is afraid of spiders, but often one person in a couple will require the help of the other to remove the lodging arachnids. Sure, most of the time, they’re totally harmless, but that doesn’t mean there’s not something wrong about holding one of them.

Get those spiders

It’s hilarious that something as basic as removing spiders is enough for this wife to rethink her decision about breaking up with her husband. We know it’s hypothetical, but let’s be honest, it’s a life decision to consider.

Picking up the slack

When you’re in a couple, you work your way into a rhythm. One of you might be good at one thing while the other picks up the slack elsewhere. No matter how hard you try, one of you will always have a worse memory compared to the other.

Picking up the slack

Well, once you’ve been in that rhythm for a while, it becomes predictable, especially when you wish they would put their keys on the key rack rather than leave them in their coat pocket. When will they learn?

Fighting for the limelight

Wherever you go where there are married people, you’ll probably hear something along the lines of ‘Marriage is a partnership.’ In many ways, they’re not wrong, although everyone has their own interpretation of what that could mean.

Fighting for the limelight

Well, it’s clear this guy wants to be the Batman of the coupling, but his wife is having none of it. You can just imagine the deflated look on this guy’s face when he realized his wife was Batman, and he’s Robin. Hey, Robin is awesome too.

We all need a critique

Well, if you think about it, if there were no one here to judge us, we would probably do all kinds of weird things. You might have to give yourself a moment to think about that, before really understanding all sorts of crazy stuff you might end up doing.

We all need a critique

Of course, that doesn’t mean we need someone criticizing everything we do, even if it could be good for us sometimes. This person reckons it’s not something we can escape from, with parents handing over critiquing rights to the partner.

Making your mark

C’mon, every house basically has the argument over plug socket dominance. The real trick is being the one who can swap the chargers over with the other knowing that there’s nothing they can do about it. It’s all about fairness really, the person with the lowest charge gets the lead, although, you could be swapping every minute.

Making your mark

This woman explains how you can assert yourself as top dog by staring her husband down while switching which phone is being charged.

So annoying

They don’t mean to do it, but sometimes you feel as if there is somewhere else they could be standing. Literally anywhere else in the room except in front of that specific drawer, yet they always manage to be right there.

So annoying

We might pretend we get used to it, but secretly, it’s one of the most annoying things and builds up over time. If only there were another kitchen drawer they could stand in front of! That wouldn’t work; you’d only need something from that one, too.

The dreaded snore

Hey, it’s natural, and it’s something many of us do without realizing it. Although, there’s no denying that some people definitely have it worse than others, ranging from a soft wheeze to a ripping chainsaw.

The dreaded snore

You could be in a perfectly good mood with them, staring at them in awe with all the love in the world, and all it takes is for the snoring to start. After that, you’ll probably be reaching for the pillow, thinking about how you can make it all stop.

Making those romantic plans

Once you get to a certain point in your life, making romantic plans can occasionally make their way to the back burner. In fact, let’s get real honest, they become a low priority over everything else going on around you.

Making those romantic plans

Especially once you’ve had kids, you’ll be tired in ways you never knew existed, and it won’t be fair because you’re not getting any younger. Despite this, we like to try, although those plans can often go awry, and sleep could be the extra-exciting activity of the evening.

Establishing your equal dominance

It’s becoming funnier and funnier these days how people are obsessing about how to assert themselves. People have to work out their compromises in a whole range of ways, although sometimes that doesn’t always work out as planned.

Establishing your equal dominance

What do you do if one of you desperately wants a cat, but the other doesn’t? Well, this person had a really great compromise in mind, and they ended up getting two kittens. We reckon that’s a win, to be honest.

One step ahead

One of the best things about being married is getting to know someone else intimately. Being married means you’ll probably know them better than anyone else, although that also comes with other perks.

One step ahead

While most movies romanticize that point, some people prefer to use it to irritate their significant other. What could be more fun than learning what makes someone tick, and using it to annoy them when they’ve annoyed you? Ultimate comeback toolkit, and it lasts the whole time.

Level up

Part of getting to know someone, falling in love with them and so on, is learning about their flaws. How often do some of us head into a store to buy one thing and come out with a basket full?

Level up

Well, one hubby caught on to this, asking his wife whether or not she would need a cart for her shopping. Despite her saying no, he decided to get a cart anyway. He’d have had to go back and get the cart later once she’d started dropping groceries.

Walk of shame

It’s both weird and hilarious thinking that this guy would rather admit to having an affair than admit to not doing as he was told. While it might have seemed hilarious at the time, we’re sure he was also regretting the decision that caused the scratches. Moral of the story: don’t chase after racoons.

Walk of shame

Although, later, he would realize that there was another, potentially worse consequence. The wrath of a wife who has had her advice directly ignored. Lethal. Proceed with caution.

Those awkward dreams

It’s horrible when you have those extremely vivid dreams. You can’t help it, but somehow fears you didn’t know you had manifest into the forefront of your mind, and when you wake with a start, you’re angry at your other half for doing those things.

Those awkward dreams

Despite it being totally irrational, we can’t help but feel upset about the dream. Since our spouses tend to be the first person we see in the morning, they get the full force of that. Sometimes, they might even have to apologize.

Old reliable

We all like to think that we can rely on our husband or wife to pick up the phone in an emergency. However, deep down we all know that if the number isn’t saved in our phone, then we’re probably not going to pick up.

Old reliable

This guy knew his wife was awkward about speaking to people on the phone and knew he needed to leave a note to text her in case of an emergency. We wonder if there’s a pre-setting for that.

Entering delicate negotiations

Some people grow up being able to have their heating on whenever they want, while others have homes who keep it off for as long as possible. Well, when you get older, you start to realize why sometimes a blanket might be more desirable than putting the thermostat up.

Entering delicate negotiations

There is also a middle ground where you need that extra warmth to melt the ice hanging off the cooker. This means entering into serious negotiations, an example of which you see above.

Getting the bed to yourself

In the beginning, when it’s all romance, cuddles and chocolate, sharing a bed is one of the main aspects of being in a relationship. However, a little way down the line, those priorities change, as you’re used to cuddles, losing the covers, and overheating.

Getting the bed to yourself

Suddenly, and there’s no exact time it happens, you’ll realize that you love the thought of having the bed to yourself. It’s something to be cherished while you have it.

Aggressive magnets

When you’re married, it seems there’s creativity within us that makes its way out without us realizing it. If you’re working separate shifts, or simply working a different schedule, you might not have time to have a proper argument about who should be getting milk.

Aggressive magnets

This leaves a whole host of possibilities open to people. For one, having complete arguments on the fridge, as these guys have. We wonder how they would do it if they didn’t have any of those magnets available?

They got it good

No relationship is without its rough patches. Whether it’s some kind of relationship malfunction or some stressful external factor, it happens to everyone. Although, that doesn’t always stop us thinking that we wish we were on our own.

They got it good

Clearly, this woman was in the middle of a bad moment between her and her husband, particularly if she thought those divorcees were lucky. Oh well, hopefully, things worked out alright in the end, although by the sounds of it, that could go either way.

A helping hand

We all have our chores around the home. They tend to come naturally to who prefers or is better at doing something, just to make things a bit easier. This husband decided to help his wife with the drying one time and didn’t get what she meant when she said to check the label.

A helping hand

What she was looking for was the tag that tells you whether it’s safe to dryer it. Out of practice, he read out that it was from Gap, rather than figuring it out. He’ll get there eventually.

It’s inevitable

We all go out with the best intentions, right? We go out looking for the perfect gift for our spouse or significant other, but we can’t help it if we notice something awesome along the way. What are we if we’re not human?

It’s inevitable

Of course, we’re running the risk of defining humanity with retail therapy, but hey, a little never hurt anybody. At least, we don’t think it did. This wife still got the job done.

Game on

It’s almost like a competition of wills. Who has done more and has reason to be tired? Unfortunately, the problem with this is that if you’re both tired, it doesn’t really matter because you’re both going to be sluggish and not want to do anything.

Game on

Despite this, we all end up trying to play this game almost every day. It’s not the kind of game where you win something cool, either. Will we ever learn how to work as a team?

Holding those grudges

When your significant other does something that really annoys or upsets you, it can be tough to let go. Even the smallest of things can feel like a massive betrayal. Sometimes, it’s easy to blow things out of proportion when that happens.

Holding those grudges

To the point where, even ten years later, you’re bringing up a point you forgot to make. Of course it only makes sense that you bring the point up to make sure they understand your argument in full.

Making concessions

It’s not all about having issues. In fact, quite the opposite. This woman’s husband offered to head on over to the grocery store so she could stay at home and enjoy an adult beverage during the day.

Making concessions

Not many people would be willing to do that for just anyone, but this guy did it for his wife. You know, sometimes we make sacrifices, but that’s okay because you know that if it’s true love, they would do the same for you.

It’s about the small things

While we all love a big gesture every now and then, it’s really the smaller gestures that make all the difference. Although, here, it’s a long and thought-out decision for a married couple who decided to go their separate ways on one crucial decision.

It’s about the small things

Separate toothpaste tubes. There’s just something so infuriating sharing a toothpaste tube with someone who squeezes from the bottom when you prefer squeezing from the top. This probably saved their marriage.

Needing space

You know, when you go from being single, to being in a relationship, to being married, everything seems to change over time. It’s like one minute you have all the time in the world, to having to time at all, and it’s all totally your choice.

Needing space

After a while of being married, it all seems rather strange, and space suddenly becomes a valued commodity. In some cases, people may even consider the thought of living separately. Why not? You can still love each other and not sleep in the same bed, right?

Typical dad

While it seems moms get all the rap for taking ages getting ready, what people don’t realize is that it’s not always the case. Despite having to blowdry hair and sort out a great outfit, do the kids and everything else, moms manage to be on time.

Typical dad

Dads, however, think that because they don’t take a long time getting ready, they don’t need to do it until the very last minute. So kids, why are we late again? Let’s do it on 3.

Bypassing annoying traits

There are some things that are incredibly annoying, and eating crunchy cereal while watching TV is one of them. However, you can test precisely how annoying you find it if you test it out on various people.

Bypassing annoying traits

For example, if your sister were to eat cereal next to you while you’re watching your favorite show, you’d probably go bananas. However, if someone you love did, and you still loved them after, then it’s the real deal. Note that down, it’s basically science.

Guilty by association

What is it with people and flowers? They seem to be a thing we all want at some point, but never receive them enough. Even though they wither after a time, they can make us smile for a little while. One wife was sad that she never seemed to get any flowers.

Guilty by association

A while into a relationship, they seem to turn into the perfect consolation prize. This is probably why, every time she sees a guy buying flowers, she wonders what he’s done. Maybe it suggests her husband hasn’t done anything wrong?

Open the door

Honestly, sometimes they expect us to be mind readers. Sure, if you’re at home more than them, fine, maybe we do know if there’s orange juice in the fridge. However, should that stop you looking for yourself since you’re right next to it?

Open the door

Well, if you can tolerate this kind of behavior, then you’re apparently the perfect candidate for becoming a ‘wife’. Not mom, wife. Yup, get ready for all those weird and wonderful questions.

Not the raunchy kind

Right in the beginning, things might be quite spicy, however it does eventually change over time. While you might not have that fiery passion anymore, that doesn’t make love any less amazing. Although, it can turn those naughty sessions into sock folding sessions.

Not the raunchy kind

It might not be the most romantic image you could conjure up, but hey, love isn’t always about what’s in the movies. Sometimes, it’s doing the laundry and not throwing it at your partner while they sleep.

It’s going to happen

We’ve already mentioned how the hot and spicy can become more dairy-based. Not to say that, after a while, it’s totally possible for your mind to wander even during the more intimate moments. It’s not something everyone is willing to admit, but some people believe it’s inevitable.

It’s going to happen

Perhaps it’s because you have more responsibilities and you can’t help but know that once it’s over, you have to get back to reality. Even if that is ordering the groceries.

That’s one way to get your kicks

When you’re young, it seems that nothing could be better than getting romantic with someone. However, as you get older, you realize the value of extra succulent and saucy tacos for dinner.

That’s one way to get your kicks

No, it’s not quite the same as interacting with your partner, but it sure is glorious in its own way. So, when you’re married, and you say that you’re getting lucky, all your other married friends will be able to translate that, while your single friends might think you mean something very different.

Oh dear

Most people love a trip to Ikea because it means that you get to wander around the super inexpensive, but super awesome store filled with goodies. The only catch is that it’s all basically flat-packed, and you have to assemble it when you get home.

Oh dear

However, this can cause all kinds of issues, especially if the tensions are already high and you’re stressed out. It seems these guys were working things out while sorting the crib out.

Is it the same with celebrities?

In the world of fame and fortune, we will probably ask ourselves whether celebrities share the same concerns and thoughts when it comes to marriage. After all, what could be that different when it comes down to it?

Is it the same with celebrities?

Well, believe it or not, celebs have their own issues too, even down to the awkward pet peeves. Apparently, Beyonce is quite messy, which is something that irritates Jay-Z beyond reason. So, don’t worry, we’re not the only people who struggle with this kind of thing.

Know your place

When you’re just starting out, it’s exciting simply to own hand towels. Although, as you get older, patterns start to develop within the home. For one, if there are nice hand towels, you know they’re not actually for you, they’re for the guests.

Know your place

This man knows his place is using the hand towels which are suitable for every day, and leaving the ones that you get out when you have guests. It’s all about presentation people, gotta keep it all picture-perfect.

That knowing look

Hey, every parent has been there. If your kid has never thrown a tantrum in public, then publish the secret and let everyone else indulge too. It’s almost impossible to ignore the sounds of a screaming child in public, and have the thought that it could be your own.

That knowing look

Once that fear has washed away, it’s a nice feeling to relinquish yourself of the responsibility. Not to mention, relish in the moment with your partner that it’s not yours, and you don’t have to sort it out. Win.

Secret habits

Living with someone, and that could be anyone, means we have less privacy and time to do all the weird stuff we were used to doing on our own. However, when the rare moments come around where you have the house to yourself and your spouse is out, then strange things can happen.

Secret habits

In this guy’s case, it’s dressing his dog up as Sandy from ‘Grease’ and having a karaoke sesh while the wife is out. Of course, that was one baffled wife walking through the door.

Just share it

This is a good tip for newlyweds or people thinking of getting married. There is no way you can resolve a situation when you’re both cold and want a piece of the blanket. While you might have solved that by cuddling up to each other before, that’s simply not an option anymore.

Just share it

So, it’s better to start as soon as possible. Make sure you get everything in king size or as big as possible. It will come in handy when you want as much bed and blanket as possible.

No grownups here

Just because we’re in our thirties, and married with a mortgage, doesn’t mean we have to grow up, right? Well, we can come undone sometimes when we want everything good that comes with adulthood, without giving up those childhood classics.

No grownups here

Who hasn’t tried stuffing as many gummy bears into their mouth as possible? Okay, while it’s not something everyone should do, we maintain the right not to grow up properly. Especially if it involves gummy bears.

Those dad jokes

For some reason, it has almost become a rite of passage for parents to suddenly start punning and joking all the time. While we don’t think there is anything wrong with a good pun, sometimes there is such a thing as taking it too far.

Those dad jokes

“How?” we hear you ask. Well, take this guy, leaving all the mugs out on the lawn just to pull off the ‘It’s really muggy out today.’ Thankfully, his wife was more than aware of what her husband was trying to do.

Family traits

When you have kids, it can become a bit of a game pointing out what trait came from which parent. Naturally, this becomes totally selective, like when they’re being ultra annoying, you can basically pass over ownership to the other parent.

Family traits

Here is an excellent example of how one husband got super fed up with his kid, stating that they were just like their mom. We wonder what they meant by that, because it definitely wasn’t meant as a compliment. Oops.

It’s all about being equal… kinda

Sometimes budgeting can go out of the equation when you see the perfect shoes in the window or are seduced by a deal in the store. However, when it comes to checking up on what your other half is spending, suddenly we shouldn’t be spending as much money.

It’s all about being equal… kinda

It can feel a little unequal, but hey, it’s not on purpose. One guy feels he has like $50 to spend while his wife is out spending a whole load more on other things. It sounds like they need to have a conversation.

Feeling pretty

When you stand up there and utter your marriage vows, it’s hard to think that you’re going to be spending your life with someone. Not to mention sharing way more than you bargained for, even if you kind of knew what was going to be happening.

Feeling pretty

Well, with all the weird and wonderful products that are marketed for women, there’s no wonder this woman’s husband wanted to dabble. Who doesn’t want to stand out with incredible, glowing skin?

Being wise with your budget

There’s something about growing up and having the ability to spend money that seems to be lucrative. Although, what you don’t tend to realize when you’re younger is that there are other things you have to budget for.

Being wise with your budget

Of course, like this guy, you could just pretend that the budget doesn’t exist and go out and get yourself a pet octopus. Hopefully, if you’re married, there will be a sensible one, so you both aren’t just throwing money at random shiny emeralds.

Household appliances

When you don’t use something very often, it can be challenging to know what all the buttons do on the machine. However, you would hope that something as simple as preheating the oven wouldn’t completely bypass a fully grown adult.

Household appliances

Seemingly, this husband got confused between turning the oven on and the clock. Did he not wonder why the temperature kept rising? Perhaps it was for the best that he didn’t turn any knobs on the oven and stayed well away from it altogether.

Claiming ownership

Have we not already mentioned how being married makes everything feel way more dramatic than it really is? Imagine going out and buying those essential oils you’ve always wanted, only to find they have been completely used up.

Claiming ownership

It’s devastating. Now how are you going to relax surrounded by diffused lavender in a bath of rosemary? It will make you do crazy things. Don’t steal all of your spouse’s essential oils, things will get crazy, and you won’t like what you see.

What if…

Many married people don’t want to admit this (well, married people that don’t tweet about married life), but most sometimes dream of their significant other just…disappearing. For good. In some convenient way.

What if…

Mrs. Stella Maddox right here knows all about it. So when her husband had was on the roof yet again, after having annoyed her in some new way, she couldn’t help day dreaming a little about all the insurance money she would get if he just..slipped.

Always write it down

If you don’t recognize this from your own marriage, you remember it from childhood – watching this scenario play out between your parents. It’s basically a known fact, husbands always refuse to write down grocery lists no matter how many times their wives tell them to.

Always write it down

Which is problematic, since they always forget something – and make their wives furious as a consequence. That’s probably why this tweet made many people laugh. He might as well have bought a panda, that’s how far off he was.

The ultimate scare

Josh is living dangerously. Who knows what type of clever revenge his wife will come up with, to get him back for this cruel scare. Quietly walking into the bathroom and pulling the curtain back when your significant other is in the shower, just to ask about Cheetos – is not advisable if you want a happy mariage.

The ultimate scare

But it’s definitely a great way to get a good laugh (before your partner’s hand connects with your face, that is).

There is no escape

There are many jokes going around about how being married is basically like a prison, where you’re doomed to follow orders for the res of your sentence (in this case, life). So some husbands (and wives) sometimes tell a bit of a white lie to get out of doing something they really don’t feel like doing at the moment.

There is no escape

In this case, however, it backfired – big time. No matter what room this guy said he was in, his wife had a chore for him. Even in Idaho.

Why are you home early?

Anyone who has been married more than a few years, can tell you many things that in the beginning caused excitement – eventually cause irritation, or dread. Like this scenario.

Why are you home early?

Having your significant other surprise you by coming home early, so you can spend more time together, probably makes most newlyweds jump with excitement. This wife instead, jumped to conclusions. However, perhaps thinking he has been fired has more to do with him never coming home early, than her having low expectations of him.

Disclaimer: Some photos may be stock images used for illustration purposes only. The people or places in these photos are not to be associated with the article.