{"id":90432,"date":"2020-03-16T16:11:14","date_gmt":"2020-03-16T16:11:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.kiwireport.com\/?p=90432"},"modified":"2020-03-16T16:11:14","modified_gmt":"2020-03-16T16:11:14","slug":"peoples-attempts-spelling-like-sounds-went-hilariously-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kiwireport.com\/peoples-attempts-spelling-like-sounds-went-hilariously-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"These people's attempts at 'spelling it like it sounds' went hilariously wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"


\nNot everyone is a walking thesaurus, and that’s fine. No one expects people to be able to spell every word under the sun immaculately, especially if they’ve only ever heard that word spoken before. You see, some people haven’t seen certain words written down, so their only choice is to throw their best guess as to how it’s spelled. Sometimes they’re right. Sometimes they’re close. And sometimes they’re these people.
\n[post_page_title]Mr. Meaner[\/post_page_title]
\nFirst of all, we don’t condone just getting rid of friends because they have controversial opinions. If you don’t want to live in an echo chamber, have your circle of friends be varied. That having been said, we’re totally on board with deleting this particular person.
\n

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Mr. Meaner<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nThe sentiment itself is admirable – everyone deserves a second chance – but they’re so wrong with this post that they forgot what it felt like to be right. We’re not even talking about the misspellings. Instead of “felony” and “misdemeanor,” they wrote “fella knee” and “mister meaner.” We don’t know quite what a fella knee is, but Mister Meaner sounds like a tough cookie.
\n
\n[post_page_title]No habla gated[\/post_page_title]
\nIt’s funny that the commenter above thought this lady was speaking Spanish, as it seems she might not even speak English. It really is up for debate whether men should be obligated to pay for everything in a relationship. The argument could be made that chivalry is not passed from this world, and so they should make an effort.
\n
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No habla gated<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nOn the other hand, it can be said that those are antiquated notions of a bygone world that should be abandoned. Either way, men are not “habla gated” to do anything. She clearly knows what the word means… Did she think it had something to do with talking gates?
\n
\n[post_page_title]Syno-bon would be jealous[\/post_page_title]
\nHoly moley, before we say anything else, those look absolutely delicious! We wish we had one right now, all gooey and moist. It would certainly help take our minds off of the fact that this girl thought “cinnamon” was spelled “synonym.” We mean… It’s not.
\n
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Syno-bon would be jealous<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nNot only is it not, in fact, but she used an actual word that has nothing to do with that baked perfection. Still, it would be pretty funny if you bit into one and said, “Man, this is delicious” and the roll would reply, “Scrumptious, tasty, appetizing.” Terrifying, but funny.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Just completely MT[\/post_page_title]
\nThis one sort of boggles the mind. We mean, “empty” is one of the most basic, frequently-used words in the entire English language. You don’t need a PhD to know how to spell “empty.” And yet, this person clearly did not.
\n
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Just completely MT<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nInstead, he used his best guess, which just so happened to be “MT.” So, would you have us believe that the word for “devoid of anything” is “MT”? Alright, but is that an acronym? Ooh, let’s try to guess what it stands for. Maybe Tomorrow? Mostly Tuna? Manatee Tabernacle? Yeah, it’s probably that last one.
\n
\n[post_page_title]That’s one depressing auntie[\/post_page_title]
\nWe’re a little scared for the well-being of the person who filled out this form. This clearly took place at a doctor’s office of some kind, and so presumably the person does have a serious problem.
\n
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That’s one depressing auntie<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nNow, it worries us that they’re taking anti-depressants without knowing how to spell the word, but then again – maybe they’re not? Maybe they’re so out of it that they just listed their list of grievances against family members. Hey, we hear you, buddy. We all have that depressing auntie who always asks us why we’re not married yet during Thanksgiving dinner.
\n
\n[post_page_title]We’re not sure which is worse, honestly[\/post_page_title]
\nOn general principle, you should probably listen to what the FDA has to say. They have people who know what they’re talking about. Still, eating raw cookie dough is quite the temptation, and we can’t fault anyone for having a hard time kicking the habit.
\n
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We’re not sure which is worse, honestly<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nAnyone except this commenter, that is, who said he doesn’t care if he gets “salmon vanilla.” While he obviously meant to say “salmonella,” which is pretty bad in and of itself, we’re not sure we don’t prefer that to eating salmon with vanilla…
\n
\n[post_page_title]That’s what Cersei Lannister thought[\/post_page_title]
\nThat’s… That’s not quite the word you were looking for, is it? At least we hope it wasn’t. If you meant to say that *insects* were beautiful, providing those nice photos of a butterfly and ladybug as proof, then yes, agreed, definitely. They are beautiful.
\n
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That’s what Cersei Lannister thought<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWhat you wrote, though, would only be considered beautiful among certain Game of Thrones families and also some parts of the Southern United States, if the rumors are true. We’re not judging, but then again yes, we are totally judging if you think that.
\n
\n[post_page_title]More like bad ideas, are we right?[\/post_page_title]
\nIt might take you a moment to figure out what this person was actually trying to say. Go on, have a good think. We’ll wait. For those of you who gave up, and aren’t on the floor laughing right now, we’ll bail you out.
\n
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More like bad ideas, are we right?<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWe don’t blame you, to be honest – it’s so far removed from the actual word that it might as well be another language. Wait, it IS another language – the word they were going for is quesadilla, or a tortilla filled with cheese and other tasty fillings. Fine, it’s Spanish and tricky to spell, we get it. But what does “case ideas” even mean?
\n
\n[post_page_title]Lima or fava?[\/post_page_title]
\nIn these divisive times, with neighbor fighting against neighbor and brother facing off against brother, it’s important – crucial, even – to remember one very simple thing. It’s a universal truth, but it unfortunately often goes forgotten. And that truth, ladies and gentlemen, is that at the end of the day we’re all human beans. Wait, what? Beans beans? Like the legume? That can’t be right.
\n
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Lima or fava?<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nYeah, okay, we checked. It’s “human beings.” For some reason, this person thought the phrase always meant that we’re some kind of human-bean hybrid. As for the guy below, he’s just making fun of them… we hope.
\n
\n[post_page_title]That’s one busy baby[\/post_page_title]
\nHey, unnamed person on Facebook. We’re also feeling pretty confused right about now. Generally, if you’re not famous and a random post of yours gets almost 700 likes, you either said something incredibly wise or monumentally stupid. In this case… Well, see for yourself. They didn’t know how to spell “lactose intolerant,” which is admittedly a tricky phrase.
\n
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That’s one busy baby<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nHowever, we don’t think “lack toast and tall of rent” constitutes a very good, or even sane, attempt at spelling it. Tall of rent? Like the baby couldn’t land a rent-controlled apartment? Incidentally, we think “tidy milk” was also supposed to be something else, but we’ll leave that one alone.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Going down that cycle path[\/post_page_title]
\nOh, it’s one of those “if you can’t handle me at my worst” posts made by people who are a lot less interesting than they seem to think they are. Let’s see what this one says, shall wel? Okay, so this girl has two sides to her personality.
\n
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Going down that cycle path<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nOne is the nicest girl we’ll ever meet, she claims, while the other is a… cycle path? Does she mean her personality is like the bicycle lane on a road? It helps protect vulnerable cyclists? Oh, wait, she meant “psychopath.” Yeah, that checks out too.
\n
\n[post_page_title]All of them[\/post_page_title]
\nWhat’s so stunning about this particular instance is that the name of the restaurant is written in very large letters on the front of it. And on the napkins. And on the menu. And on pretty much everything else. How could anyone ever think that Olive Garden is called “all of garden”?
\n
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All of them<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nThen again, we should’ve known this young woman’s decision-making was suspect the moment she was excited about going there, are we right? We kid, we kid, we want their bottomless breadstick bowl served at our funeral.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Wow indeed[\/post_page_title]
\nNo, “yourdad,” you’re not really out here being “buy linguini.” In fact, you’re not even out here being “buy linguine,” which is the correct spelling of that word. Did he think knowing more than one language enters you into some kind of pasta purchasing scheme?
\n
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Wow indeed<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWell, no, he clearly meant “bilingual,” and that almost sounds like what he wrote… almost. We hate to say this, but we find it a bit hard to believe he’s ever understood a sentence in another language “without translate.” We need translate just to understand him!
\n
\n[post_page_title]Umbeyonce featuring Ludacris[\/post_page_title]
\nTo Monty’s credit, he was fully aware that he had no idea how to spell the word “ambiance.” To his discredit, though, he thought it was spelled “umbeyonce.” Now, we don’t know what Dr. Monty is a doctor of, exactly, but it’s probably not linguistics.
\n
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Umbeyonce featuring Ludacris<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWe’ve got nothing against Queen Bey – we’re big fans, in fact. We just don’t think she should necessarily get the credit for how nice the restaurant Monty visited was. Unless she was actually there, in which case, dang, Monty – you totally buried the lead on that one!
\n
\n[post_page_title]A common problem[\/post_page_title]
\nOkay, so it’s entirely possible that this rebellious young lady wanted to say that her leather jacket has *wrinkles* on it. It could be that. But quite honestly, we would much rather go with how she spelled it, and imagine that her jacket is haunted by the ghost of Mr. Warmth himself, Don Rickles.
\n
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A common problem<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nSure, he passed away in 2017 and even if ghosts were a real thing, they would probably find something more interesting to haunt than leather clothing items. But still. Now if you only had a sensible pair of pants haunted by Johnny Carson, you’d be cooking with fire.
\n
\n[post_page_title]They’re such gossips[\/post_page_title]
\nThere are times when people don’t know how to spell a certain word, and it all just ends up being serendipitous. Old Hassan here, for example, meant to articulate his distaste for grapes by stressing that they disgust him.
\n
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They’re such gossips<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nInstead, he claimed they were discussing him, and as you can see things sort of escalated from there. Now yes, it’s true – we’re not sure why he thought anyone in the world would care about his feelings about grapes one way or the other, but now we’re certainly glad that he told us.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Speaking what now?[\/post_page_title]
\nNo, yungeateat, Brazilians do not speak “porch of geese.” No one speaks porch of geese, in fact, because that’s not a language. Well, maybe geese do. We suppose that’s possible, as we never asked them. But that’s certainly not what you meant. You meant Portuguese, the language brought over from Europe by settlers from Portugal.
\n
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Speaking what now?<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nBut maybe in your version of history those settlers were birds, and now everyone in South America’s largest country just speak in bird sounds? Well, that would certainly go a long way towards explaining that “quack quack,” but we regret to tell you you have the wrong bird.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Also available in Alabama[\/post_page_title]
\nWhat seems so odd about this particular person’s mistake is that they seem to be pretty articulate. This user who goes by OkliLikeOakley posted in Reddit’s No Stupid Questions area, and we’re actually sad that they were somehow able to ask a question that was, in fact, very stupid.
\n
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Also available in Alabama<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nTheir interest in home design makes it all the more perplexing that they thought those large windows that go – hint hint – from the floor to the ceiling were called “Florida windows.” What about them made you feel they were Floridian, OkliLikeOakley? They weren’t missing teeth or anything (sorry, Florida!).
\n
\n[post_page_title]Love that extra quack[\/post_page_title]
\nWell then. This is certainly a very nice bowl of “nart chose.” And of course, you can never go wrong with a healthy extra helping of “quack then Moley.” So “nart chose” we can almost forgive, but what on Earth does “quack then Moley” supposed to mean?
\n
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Love that extra quack<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nThe M in Moley is capitalized, so are we being led to believe that it’s someone’s name? It’s named after a duck, then a person? Honestly, we were so confused by getting nachos and guacamole so wrong that we almost didn’t notice the “scone app the beef” at the end. We honestly have no idea what that’s supposed to be.
\n
\n[post_page_title]For meal your[\/post_page_title]
\nRayray here thought he knew this person from somewhere, so he decided to message them and ask. As you can see, it didn’t go very well. Actually, it went pretty awfully, mostly due to Rayray’s confusing inability to spell “familiar.”
\n
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For meal your<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nBut even if we let that go, his decision to go with “for meal your” instead is even more mystifying. Could it be that Rayray thinks knowing someone is somehow akin to what they had for lunch? Or something? We have no idea, and can only applaud the other person for their patience.
\n
\n[post_page_title]It is a dance[\/post_page_title]
\nHere’s a fun fact you might not have known – Jalape\u00f1o literally means “from Jalapa” in Spanish, Jalapa being the capital city of the Mexican state of Veracruz. You know who definitely didn’t know that? This young lady, who was firm in her belief that the hot pepper is called “hal and peenyo.”
\n
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It is a dance<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWe don’t know who Hal is, but we definitely wouldn’t want to see his peenyo, we’ll tell you that much. The funniest bit about this is that after being shown the error of her ways, she said, “That’s a ****ing dance is it not” is if it’s somehow our fault she’s been wrong her entire life.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Goes great with everything[\/post_page_title]
\nHey, you know what goes great with pizza? If you said “parma jawn,” then congratulations – you’re exactly as wrong as the person who made this note. The cheese is, of course, called Parmesan – or Parmigiano-Reggiano, after the two regions of Italy where it was traditionally made.
\n
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Goes great with everything<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nDubbed the “King of Cheeses,” it is definitely not, nor has it ever been called, “parma jawn.” We mean, it’s almost right. One of those two provinces is Parma, so they only needed to stop there and it wouldn’t be that bad. But they just had to add “jawn,” and it all went off the rails.
\n
\n[post_page_title]The first frog pitcher[\/post_page_title]
\nWhat we have here is a newspaper clipping about Major League Baseball relief pitcher Pat Venditte. His biggest claim to fame isn’t necessarily how good he is, but the fact that he can pitch using both hands with equal proficiency.
\n
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The first frog pitcher<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nThat, children, is called being “ambidextrous.” The word the actual newspaper shown here used, on the other hand, is “amphibious,” meaning “able to live on both land and sea.” That either means a copy editor should be fired, or that Aquaman might have a baseball career.
\n
\n[post_page_title]That microwave’s decomposing[\/post_page_title]
\nAll this unnamed person wanted was to tell the world at large that microwave’s handle was out of order. Their inability to spell a very simple word, luckily for us, got us this funny gag.
\n
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That microwave’s decomposing<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nSomeone saw their chosen spelling of “handel,” and was immediately reminded of German Baroque composer Georg Friederich H\u00e4ndel, famous for creating Messiah, which you know even if the name isn’t familiar. You know that “hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah” piece of music? Right, that’s H\u00e4ndel’s Messiah. And just think that you never would’ve known that if this person could spell “handle.”
\n
\n[post_page_title]That’s not very marvelous[\/post_page_title]
\nYikes, that sink has sure seen better days… It also doesn’t really look like it’s 40 inches, but whatever, maybe it’s just a bad photo. What definitely is a bad spelling is saying it’s made of “marvel.”
\n
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That’s not very marvelous<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nThe person who made this listing intended, we assume, to say it’s made of marble. You know, the stuff they make sinks (and statues) out of. Instead, they got us imaging the Marvel Sink-amatic Universe, where a group of bathroom fixtures band together to fight evil. We smell box office!
\n
\n[post_page_title]Rest in peace, spit[\/post_page_title]
\nThat’s a pretty good deal! It’s also a very wrong, yet very hilarious and oddly fitting way to spell “spittoon.” Honestly, we don’t fault the person who wrote the note for not being aware “spittoon” was a word. It is pretty strange.
\n
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Rest in peace, spit<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWe’re kind of glad they weren’t, actually, because it led to this absolute gem of a new phrase. From this day forward, we’ll always refer to the receptacle used for spitting into as a “spit tomb,” because it’s where spit goes when it passes away, naturally.
\n
\n[post_page_title]This person’s in an actual college[\/post_page_title]
\nWe swear we are not lying to you, and we’re not making this up. The person on the other end of this conversation really is in college. Somehow, they made it through early adulthood, got accepted into college, and presumably have been studying there for a while, all without knowing what an “essay” is.
\n
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This person’s in an actual college<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nHow does that even happen? Just what kind of clownshoes college are they going to? By their use of periods in “S.A.” they definitely think that stands for something. In this instance, it might just be “stupid airhead.”
\n
\n[post_page_title]Dr. Gecko, lizard doctor[\/post_page_title]
\nThe fact that this person knows the correct spelling for “gecko,” as in the little lizard, but not for “get go,” as in the very common phrase, is a little disturbing. But to be completely honest, we don’t even care.
\n
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Dr. Gecko, lizard doctor<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nThe only thing that’s important about this conversation is that it brought into our lives the notion that they might think a tiny lizard doctor was taking care of some animals, and it was doing a very bad job of it indeed. We won’t lie – if we had a choice between Dr. Gecko and a vet, we’d go with the lizard 100% of the time.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Just so many things[\/post_page_title]
\nThis one is a chin-stroker, if we’re being honest. We couldn’t help but feel for this person, as he was sharing his lament with their friend. Oh, to think of all the things they were taking for… granite? That’s not right, is it?
\n
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Just so many things<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWe mean, we know that’s supposed to be “granted,” but… Seriously, look us in the eye and tell us that taking things for granite doesn’t make sense, maybe even more sense. Think about it – it’s sturdy, it stays put, it’s reliable. Just like the things we used to take for granted…
\n
\n[post_page_title]Just dig in, okay?[\/post_page_title]
\nWhile the photo of the food here could stand to be a little more appetizing, we couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the accompanying text right until we got the very end of it. Everything checked out at first – roasted brisket with coleslaw and breadsticks.
\n
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Just dig in, okay?<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nNot the healthiest of eats, but to the people who like that sort of thing, that’s the sort of thing those people like. But then the poster apparently had a stroke, as they typed “bow gnat tha teet.” We were going to call 911, until we realize they wanted to say “bon app\u00e9tit,” and were just wrong on every conceivable level.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Well, woof woof[\/post_page_title]
\nYou can say that again, sister. Or brother. Whatever you are, it’s kind of hard to tell behind that emoji. The point is, we wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment. Or we would have, anyway, had you written that it was a *dog eat dog* world.
\n
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Well, woof woof<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nInstead, you went with “doggie dog world” and that made us think of a world populated entirely by puppies. We got so distracted in our bliss that we forgot about the crummy world that we actually live in. So thanks!
\n
\n[post_page_title]It is pretty nice[\/post_page_title]
\nSomehow, we doubt the authenticity of a supposed devil worshiper who instead of dotting their I’s puts little hearts over them. But there’s actually a bigger giveaway that we might not be dealing with the genuine article here. Can you guess what it is? Go on, try.
\n
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It is pretty nice<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nOkay, if it’s too hard we’ll just tell you. It’s the fact that they spelled a full 50-percent of the phrase “Satan rules” wrong. Well, 100 percent if you consider the Z at the end there, actually, but regardless. Instead of Lucifer, they ended up praising the fabric soccer moms like.
\n
\n[post_page_title]That’s not very scary[\/post_page_title]
\nWe are so with you. Not a day goes by that we don’t stay up late at night, awash with sweat, wondering what might happen if a real-life zombie apocalypse might… What’s that? You weren’t talking about an apocalypse, but about “a pack of lips”?
\n
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That’s not very scary<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nWell, that’s… that’s not very intimidating, is it? Even if those lips were actively trying to munch on our brain, we figure they wouldn’t be too hard to fend off. We mean, they’re lips! Just put them in a little glass bowl or something and feed them squirrels.
\n
\n[post_page_title]A guy named C-Jah?[\/post_page_title]
\nWhat’s really funny about this one, and you have to pay attention to make it out, is that the person speaking here is named Jay. And Jay apparently is under the belief that “seizure” is spelled “C-Jah.”
\n
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A guy named C-Jah?<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nHe might think it’s named after him somehow, or he might think it’s this cool new dance craze that’s taking the hip-hop world by storm. Either way, at least he’s aware that he can’t spell. With that kind of self awareness, he’ll be going places. Not college probably… but places.
\n
\n[post_page_title]Bye bye bye[\/post_page_title]
\nWe gotta say, this sign doesn’t inspire a huge amount of confidence in this used car lot. Selling and, yes, *buying* cars are literally the two things they’re supposed to be doing. If they had a fifty-fifty shot of spelling “buy” right, and they went with the wrong spelling anyway, just what else are they trying to get away with back there?
\n
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Bye bye bye<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nAlso, on an unrelated side note, saying that top cash will be paid “for trucks and cars” – with the quotations included in the sign – makes us think you’re really in the market for something else entirely. To be fair, it might explain why they can’t spell “buy.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Not everyone is a walking thesaurus, and that’s fine. No one expects people to be able to spell every word under the sun immaculately, especially if they’ve only ever heard that word spoken before. You see, some people haven’t seen certain words written down, so their only choice is to throw their best guess as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":60,"featured_media":90434,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stories"],"yoast_head":"\nThese people's attempts at 'spelling it like it sounds' went hilariously wrong - Kiwi Report<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/kiwireport.com\/peoples-attempts-spelling-like-sounds-went-hilariously-wrong\/\" \/>\n<link rel=\"next\" href=\"https:\/\/kiwireport.com\/peoples-attempts-spelling-like-sounds-went-hilariously-wrong\/2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"These people's attempts at 'spelling it like it sounds' went hilariously wrong - Kiwi Report\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Not everyone is a walking thesaurus, and that’s fine. No one expects people to be able to spell every word under the sun immaculately, especially if they’ve only ever heard that word spoken before. 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