Falling in love with someone is easy; it’s the stuff that comes after like relationships, living together and marriage that are pretty complicated. Even though you both want the best things, in the long run, it is often not as simple as that, and there’s lots of work involved in making things work between you. Luckily, there are many people from lots of different walks of life that have some excellent advice about the big topic of relationships, and there are also many books available. Here are some of the best ones, which can really help you tackle the issues you may come up against and help to make you both happier and stronger.
‘The All or Nothing Marriage – How the Best Marriages Work ‘ – Eli J. Finkel
The title of this book is actually a term developed by Finkel, a social psychologist, that describes the way many modern relationships seem to work. This is due to the fact that as people we place a lot of expectation on our relationship. We expect to get so much from our partners but at the same time invest less of our energy into making them work, so not unexpectedly, in the end, we often end up very disappointed. There are two parts to the book; it examines the factors that can make your relationship hard and then discusses strategies that will help bring strength to you and your partner.
‘The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity’ – Esther Perel
Perel is quite a well-known individual in the field of couple’s therapy, who has written books, hosted podcasts and given a TED talk on the subject. ‘The State of Affairs’ concentrates on the thorny issue of an unfaithful partner, explaining if relationships can recover from infidelity and why it happens in the first place in a relationship that actually seems happy. This book is a fascinating read, regardless of if you have been affected by a cheating partner or not, as it is an interesting discussion about intimacy.
‘The Four Tendencies’ – Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen Rubin is also a very prominent voice in the genre of self-improvement books – she has previously penned many books including ‘The Happiness Project’ and hosts her own podcast to boot. This book wasn’t written directly about romantic relationships, but the personality types Rubin discusses in this book are also put into the context of relationships which can help you to understand why you are attracted to a specific type of person and run into very similar issues with multiple partners.
‘The New I Do’ – Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson
This book champions the idea that a partnership should be unique and formed around the two individuals’ specific needs and wants, that has room to change and develop over time. Various alternatives are offered as options that you could try beyond the traditional marriage that people imagine. Gadoua and Larson suggest that a great way to keep your relationship on track is to create a marriage contract between the pair of you and to renew it each year to make sure you are both still happy and meeting each other’s expectations.
Ultimately there are lots of different techniques you could employ to make your marriage work for you, so reading around is probably your best choice in the situation and try and make something that makes you both happy. Good luck and happy reading.